How I met your mother

Having trouble meeting rich single chicks who are vulnerable and slutty? Looking for that special someone to spend a night with, maybe two? Well, it's time I clue you in to hottest new place to meet the down and out girl of your dreams..... that's right it's Rehab. No I'm not talking about the pool scene at the Hard Rock in Vegas - this is the real thing baby. Britney's on her way to Crossroads in Antigua, Lindsay's already waiting for the man of her dreams (or the guy with access to really good coke) to come along, Tara Conner (aka I banged the Donald to keep my crown), Kate Moss, and Noelle Bush (ok so I don't find her hot but then again I don't find fat strippers hot either but they still make money so someone obviously does) have all joined in on the latest craze. Now that Joe Francis is in jail I'm thinking I should do a bunch of heroin, buy a video camera, check myself into rehab and make millions selling tapes of my new "Girls gone wild for drugs I can sneak into rehab" series. Of course, I can't probably sneak real coke into rehab but Lindsay's so hard up I could probably get her to snort baby powder and smoke cracked off pieces of soap while we re-enact scenes from her yet to be released sex tape. Which brings me to another point.....someone once told me that marijuana was a gateway drug....yeah a gateway into Lindsay's bed if you believe the latest rumors about her sleeping with some failed singer from some band I never heard of- which I do because someone put them in print making them true. But for now I think I'm going to hold out and stay clean until Jessica Alba falls off the deep end and needs someone to be her "sober buddy". I'm here for ya Jess! Call me...